Is There More Than This?

Hello and welcome to the Dr. Sam Collins podcast and thank you for taking the time to listen today. I really do appreciate it. Over the past few years, I've found myself returning over and over again to a question. Is there more than this? It's not a new question. In fact, it's one that I have heard in many different shapes and forms for a very long time. I've heard it from women who've started their own companies and consultancies.
I've heard it from senior leaders. I've heard it from mothers, carers, women, starting again, women approaching retirement, women who look as though they have everything sorted and who feel like they're just holding things together. I've heard it from women who are paid well. I've heard it from women who are not paid enough. I've heard it from women who have impressive titles and women who would never describe themselves as leaders at all.
And if I'm honest, I've heard it in my own head too. It's simply again and again. is there more than this? And if there is, what does that mean? Not necessarily, I'm not talking about necessarily more money, more status, more success, whatever that word means to each of us. This is not a podcast about becoming more successful in that sense, making more money or… the personal development side of things. It's more, just more.
More meaning, more freedom, more joy, more aliveness, more of a sense. that the life we are living reflects who we really are. We're jumping out of bed in the morning with joy and zing about what matters most to us. And that's the life career we are leading and making a contribution difference in the world. I know for some people that might sound like just way too idealistic and utopian, but this is what I think about most of the time.
Just more. Perhaps you felt it too. Have you? Many of us.

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we're doing our best to live lives that are very full, very demanding and often extremely complicated. We're working, we're caring, we're paying bills, we're supporting families, we're meeting expectations, we're carrying responsibilities that are not always visible and very often not valued to the outside world. I started working with one of my new coaching clients last week and I'm just again surprised. Why am I surprised? I don't know. Another brilliant woman who is being told by the world that her skills where she is very good at wanting to help people, wanting to contribute, incredibly empathic.
She described herself as sensitive, that being good and bad, people telling her that she's a people pleaser and that that's a bad thing. Again and again, women coming to me who have reached positions that other people would say or describe as successful, yet don't feel successful, don't feel happy, don't feel fulfilled and in this day and age what is happening in the women's movement or in women in general that we're still feeling the way that we're feeling.
So some of us have reached those traditional markers of success and may wonder whether that means that contribution matters less. It does not. Whether you work in a grocery store, you clean the streets, you run a country, you run a company, you have children, you don't have children, we are all allowed to ask this question, is this it?

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could I do more? Am I allowed to want my life to matter? Am I allowed to contribute to changing the world too? Am I weird for thinking these kinds of things? I remember when I was working as a waitress for a hotel chain and I remember like putting, I always put my best foot forward to do the very best I can in whatever job I'm doing. And I remember doing this job and I remember feeling like the odd one out compared to a lot of the people I worked with who seemed to be doing it, I would say just to pay the bills, but they weren't thinking about the bigger contribution of really wanting to help and make a difference to the customers I was working with.
And I remember thinking to myself, is this it? Is this? not there's anything wrong with being a waitress, it is an incredibly difficult job. But I remember feeling like I've got more in me. What's that going to look like? And how am I going to get to the next level? And I remember being so completely tired and exhausted one day, and being in I think it's like the staff restaurant or something like that at the end of a very, very long shift.
And I remember looking up and seeing this corporate vision statement printed out on the wall. like laminated and sort of slightly hanging it off. I can't remember exactly what you said, but it was something like, we are going to be the best in the world for customer service. And I thought, Oh God, really? I mean, that sounds very grandiose, but are you really thinking about me, the employee that is exhausted at the end of a 12 hour shift?
And does that statement really, really mean anything? But I did think to myself, trying to be the the best in the world at something sounded like some kind of contribution I might be interested in. So we've got to get somewhere where we are allowed and we give ourselves permission, whatever age or stage that you are at, that yes, we are allowed to contribute to changing the world. And we should, I mean, look at the way the world is right now.
There's a lot of change that is needed.

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So I believe that contribution is not determined by our position in the world. I know a lot of people would argue that that's not true, but I believe it's not determined by our income or our job title or our education or our background or whether the world has even recognised our gifts yet. All of us, all of us have influence somewhere. All of us. touch others' lives. We might not really think about it or be very conscious of it, but everything we're doing, whatever you're doing right now, sitting on a train, in a meeting at work, going to work, trying to find a new job, trying to find a job, trying to keep everything together in your household, we all have the capacity to bring more humanity, courage, kindness, wisdom. integrity and ethics into the spaces that we are part of.
But many of us, many of us have been given a very narrow idea of what it means to matter. The myth we have been sold. We've been told. Directly or indirectly, that impact belongs to people with power, people with platforms, people with money, people with authority, people with titles and people who are already visible. And yes, there's a lot of evidence that would back up this idea. But for me, that story is far too small and very, very limiting.
It leaves too many women standing outside the gates. of our own potential, wondering whether we have earned the right to walk through the gate, earned the right to contribute, earned the right to believe that we can do something, be something more. You do not need to be famous to make a difference. You do not need to run an organisation and you do not need to have the perfect body, the perfect face. the perfect social media platform or the perfect career please please hear that you do not need to wait until your life is completely tidy and your confidence is perfect and your finances are all sorted and your children are grown or whatever else it is that you are waiting for right now we can begin from where we are and yes we can improve and we can make

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a difference to ourselves and the rest of it, but we've got to get started and we've got to stop procrastinating. Many of us very understandably look at the world and feel overwhelmed. One of the things I do when I get up in the morning is I look at the news websites and I don't even know really why I do it anymore because all I see is conflict, division, inequality, environmental challenges and communities under pressure.
And I look at it and I, oh geez, I feel terrible. But now I've started to look at it and go, okay, Sam, in your own small way or big way maybe, what can you do to be making an influence and making a difference to what is happening, not only in your own life and not only in your own career and your own business and immediate community, but in the wider world.
And I want you to think like that too. And let's see what happens when we do start to think in this different way. I think at least at the very least, it becomes a bit more hopeful when we look and see what is happening outside us. Many of you talk to me about workplaces that do not always reflect the values. that you hold dear and close to you. We see systems that often reward speed, arrogance, profit, productivity, presenteeism more than we see workplace reviews, performance reviews, one-to-ones. that reward humanity, wisdom and care.
Could you imagine that going to your next review or doing your next review and actually reviewing people based on their contribution to humanity, based on their wisdom, based on how much they care? I would imagine that would be a completely different and way more motivating and slightly surprising review that could have an enormous difference, not only on that company, but on the culture and on the wider community that it impacts. It's easy, isn't it, to start believing that things are just too big, too complicated, and too far outside our control.
I totally get it, because I feel that most days. It's much easier to stay in the comfort zone of, okay, these are the things I can control. These are the things I can influence. Let me just get through the day, especially if you've got a lot going on and you've got a big list and you're trying to balance all these different things. And then now I'm asking you to change the world as well.
I mean, just feels like too much and you're done with me already. I can start to hear it.

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One person cannot possibly make a difference. You know, we hear this all the time, but I do not believe that is true. And I have seen that so many times over the wonderful years of founding Aspire and doing the work that I'm doing, that so many of us, particularly women are out there going, no, not me. Why not me? Let me, let me do something here that feels more aligned with me. that feels more joyful, that feels more meaningful, that is going to enable me to be more healthy, more myself.
And yes, give me more confidence in all those things everyone talks about these days, but also will at the same time, at the same time is really important because there's lots of people out there that are desperately trying to change the world, but are so incredibly burnt out doing it at the same time can make a difference to the world. So I do believe the world changes because not just one of us, but millions of us, even perhaps billions of us start to make more conscious, courageous, values-led choices every single day.
It is I'm a baby steps person. I've got a big vision, but I'm a baby steps person. Little things every day, they mount up, don't they? They mount up as at the end of the week, okay, you know, I'm starting to move forward at the end of the month, at the end of a year, at the end of five years, when you compare yourself to perhaps friends or peers or colleagues that haven't really been going down this path, you really start to see and feel a difference.
We may never know the full impact of the work that we do and how we show up But it does not mean that the impact is not real It does not mean that and please please listen to that because so many of us as well We're looking for that tangible, but let me measure my input Let me measure my results and I know that we can in some ways but why are we doing it?
We're doing it to sort of validate ourselves and give ourselves credibility with other people because it really need to happen I have people coming to me women that will come up to me or send me an email and they'll say, you know, I attended one of your events 20 years ago and now I'm doing this. Now I've written this book or I've started this business or I've left that job that I always knew I hated when I only did it because my parents sort of said to me, I should go into that profession.
It was never really me. And now I'm doing this and I, and I wanted to let you know.

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And I love those stories. They're hard to track. I might not never know about many, many of them. And I'm sure there's also a number of people that didn't do anything or are still trying to figure out what they want to do, but there are plenty and plenty of examples. So what if the missing piece, when we say, is this really it? What if the missing piece is contribution? One of the things that I've been reflecting on about personal development and self development, which is so focused on yourself, you know, how to make yourself more happy, how to make yourself more healthy, how to heal yourself.
And all of these things are incredibly important, but we don't talk enough about contribution. I'm not talking about sacrifice or martyrdom. I'm not talking about giving up until we've got nothing left. Many women have done far too much of that. I mean contribution in the healthiest and most life-giving sense of the word. The feeling that your life matters. The feeling that you are using your unique gifts very well. The feeling that you are who you are. and you care about being the best version of yourself and having a positive impact on others somewhere.
Now, for somebody, that might mean changing the culture of a large organization. For someone else, it might mean creating safety and kindness in a family. For another, it might mean being the person at work who treats everyone with dignity. For someone else, it might mean writing, teaching, caring, campaigning, mentoring, creating, listening or simply, I say simply because this is not so simple, simply refusing. to become cynical in a world that gives us plenty of reasons to do so.
The scale may differ, but the value does not. Okay. So this is all still evolving in my head, but I was thinking about this a lot this morning and

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I have a new thought which I'm exploring and I've been sitting with a phrase. It's still coming, but here it is. The phrase is be the difference, be the difference. So what I really love about this phrase is that it sits somewhere between be the change you want to see in the world, aka Gandhi, and make a difference. So it's a little bit of sitting in between two of them. Um, it reminds me that we do not have to save the world on our own.
We do not have to become someone else. We don't have to wait for permission and we don't have to wait until someone knocks on the door and says, Hey, please, would you lead change and do this thing? So it is about focusing on the difference that we would like to see for ourselves and the world and really about being that and becoming that kind of person and not purely the doing, doing, doing.
Because what I found is that when we focused on purely the doing, doing, doing, the changes are not sustainable and it often leads to us burning out. So be the difference is a way of recognizing that who we are, our presence matters. our choices matter, our voice matters, our humanity matters, our values matter, our way of treating people matters, and our refusal to give up on a better future matters. It might not matter to everyone else yet, but it matters to us and we are looking at ways to find other people.

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to come along with us on the journey of what matters to you, to me and to those like us. So I want this idea to be very clear. Be The Difference is, you know, it's not only for women and it's certainly not for only for people with senior titles or people that have access to education, wealth, networks or privilege. It's for women who already have that sense and feeling in them that there is something more and that you have something more to contribute to the world.
You might not know exactly what it is yet, but you know that when you look at what's going on in the world, you want to be one of the change makers. It's for any of us who felt that ache or that sort of yearning of wanting to contribute in some way, but not really knowing where to begin or you've begun and it's sort of become stale and you've got stuck and what now, what next.
So if any of you have looked at the world or you look at the world regularly like me and you think I can't fix all of this. but I don't want to do nothing. All right. So that's where we're at right now. And we know that even if we know quietly that a better future is possible and we have some part to play in it. And that's really where I want to be focusing the emphasis of this podcast.

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How do we create that wonderful middle ground between be the change and make a difference? So be the difference. And how do you get to do that? What does that look like? So I want you to leave with not just that idea today, I'd like you to leave with a practical reflection. You might want to take some time to write about this or one thing I do when I'm… I go for a walk and I have an idea or I'm thinking about something on my walk is I'll take my phone and I'll go to the notes page and I'll just click on record so I can.
And so I can record myself saying it, or I'll do speech to text. And sometimes that doesn't come out completely how it should, but it gives you the general idea. And then at the end of the walk, I will email that to myself. So I've got it. So I haven't lost it. So that's always a little bit of a tip, something you can be doing if you're thinking about this. So you might want to write about it.
You might want to take a walk with it, or you can simply, you know, sit quietly and see what comes up. So there are four questions that

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our reflection questions from this podcast today. Number one, where in your life do you feel the most alive? Not impressive on you don't feel the most productive, but you feel the most alive. So you can sort of think about that a little bit and what you're doing and who you're doing it with. And what qualities you're expressing. And I suppose if you can't get to that, you could say, where in my life do I feel the most dead?
That might give you some insights as well. And then you could just sort of do the opposite. That's a little trick I do with some people that can't access the, the alive stuff. You can certainly probably find the parts of your life where you're feeling, Oh God, I'm the walking dead today. All right. Reflection question two.

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So where do you already have some influence? Even if you've not been calling it that, so where do you already have some influence? So you can think about perhaps in your family or with your friends or at work, communities, customers, if you work with them, colleagues. Children, where do you already have that influence? Perhaps where people do already look to you for some steadiness or some kindness or courage. Maybe you don't always recognise it or see it, but it might be worth doing a little bit of reflection on that.
All right, you still with me? So reflection question three, one of my favourites.

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What do you care about so deeply that you would still care about it even if nobody ever applauded you for it? Hmm. Imagine that. So let me say it again because I think it's such a great question. What do you care about so deeply that you would still care about it even if nobody ever applauded you for it? So that question often points us towards what is most important to us. And question four, here we go.

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Uh, one of my favorites as well. So if you looked back 10 years from now, so we're going to take you 10 years into the future. And last time we talked about celebratory milestones. So this is, you know, this would be a big one. If I look back, if you look back 10 years from now, what difference would you hope your life had made? Not what achievements would you have? Not what position would you hold?
Not what you would own or how much money you had. You can do that separately on a different podcast. This is what difference would you hope to have made to people, to communities, to causes and to the world around you. So four questions. Notice what comes up. You don't have to have the perfect answers and you certainly don't have to have the whole action plan around it. And I think if you start doing the action plan too soon as well, you're probably going to downplay a little bit about what you were saying.
So just have a little bit of fun with it.

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and see what happens with these questions and see what pulls you. And as you're answering the questions, also notice how you're feeling as you're noticing them. Are they feeling a bit flat or a bit like a should answer or should do that? That was, that would be what my parents would expect, or that would be what my boss would expect. That's what I've been told, but it probably feels perhaps a bit flat to you.
Or if you're sort of have a little bit of a jolt or a spark in you. Ooh, that's something that I've never thought of before or that's something that feels truly me, but I've never really expressed that. So have some fun with not just what you write, but the feelings that get associated when you come up with some of this and see what happens with that. Helping you, I hope, to move towards an even more honest and meaningful next chapter.

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So I have the feeling that many of us, women in particular, are standing at the edge of a whole new chapter. This is not a chapter about proving yourself or pushing harder or trying to become someone else's definition of success. This is a chapter about freedom, meaning and contribution. a chapter about remembering that your contribution is not determined by your position. The world certainly does not need us to be completely perfect.
And I think if it did, we would just be waiting forever and ever to find that elusive level of perfection. So take care and… Remember a better future is possible. Thank you so much for listening to the Dr. Sam Collins podcast. And I look forward to talking with you next time.

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