The Urgency of Freedom: Why Self-Help Is Not Enough
In this episode of The Dr Sam Collins Podcast, I explore the urgency of freedom. not the frantic, fear driven urgency that leaves us exhausted, overwhelmed and trying to cram even more into already full…
In this episode of The Dr Sam Collins Podcast, I explore the urgency of freedom. not the frantic, fear driven urgency that leaves us exhausted, overwhelmed and trying to cram even more into already full lives, but a deeper, more purposeful urgency that asks us to wake up to what our lives are really for.
This is not an episode about productivity, conventional success or the usual self-help obsession with becoming a more polished version of ourselves. I am interested in something far more important: the link between freedom and contribution. Because freedom is not just about feeling better, resting more, looking better, earning more or finally getting ourselves perfectly sorted. Freedom matters because it allows us to bring our intelligence, experience, compassion, anger, love and courage into the world at a time when the world urgently needs us.
I talk about the gap between who we are today and who we could become if one key limitation loosened its grip, whether that limitation is guilt, shame, people pleasing, exhaustion, fear of criticism, perfectionism, money, age, confidence or the belief that we are too late, too ordinary or not ready enough. I also challenge the idea that contribution belongs only to senior people in powerful rooms. The world needs conscious people in every room: in boardrooms, classrooms, kitchens, coffee shops, communities, families and movements.
The question is not simply, What do I want to do one day? The question is: What does the world need from me right now?
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Transcript
Transcript
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Hello everyone and welcome to the Dr. Sam Collins podcast. If this is your first time listening to my podcast, well. Thank you. You know, there's tons of podcasts out there. So I really do hope that you're going to like this one and get something from it. If you do, that would be great. If you are coming back, thank you as well, because I hope that you're getting some value and you're doing some stuff, actually doing some stuff with the things that we're talking about here on a week to week basis.
So we're going to start off today by saying it's 5 21 AM on a Monday. Now, I don't want this to be a productivity session talking about how to get the most out of your day. But for some reason, I managed to get myself out of bed at 4.40am to record this podcast, why would I do something like that? Well, of course, like many of us, I have a full Monday ahead of me.
And yesterday, I was thinking about recording the podcast, but it was Sunday, and I was doing some other things and designing some things. And I suppose as well, I feel like I really need to be on for the Do you know what I mean? Like, have the right voice and the right energy and the rest of it. But I do know that in the morning I have the best energy, so here I am.
But I think the most important reason I'm here is because I want to talk about urgency.
The kind of urgency that does get you out of bed at this kind of time in the morning. Not the panic kind of urgency, not the scared, frightened type of urgency, not the demotivating type of urgency, but the urgency that calls you to do stuff. The urgency that gives you a sense of pull into what it is that you want to create for yourself, for your family. for the people you know, for your community, maybe for your workplace or organisation, if you work in one, or most importantly for the wider world.
I keep, I don't know why I keep doing it, but I know why I keep doing it because it is motivating. In the mornings, I get up and also, you know, intermittently throughout the day, I check out what's going on in the news. Maybe you do as well. And I… keep seeing, recurringly, shootings and bombings and conflict and climate crisis and unethical, unethical behavior by corporate leaders. And I just think to myself, what the fuck?
Like it just keeps happening over and over again. It keeps getting reported and I feel myself becoming more angry, frustrated, irritated, but also very, very motivated to want to do something. Now let me tell you, I don't know exactly what it is that I'm going to do, but I know I want to do something and perhaps you feel the same. No, I know there's lots of reasons why we wouldn't. Like you, I'm sure I would imagine we've got a lot going on.
Family, kids, aging parents, health issues, bills to pay. Why bother when there is so much happening by all these incredibly powerful, mostly powerful men operating our world? So this is not about being frightened and pushing you into panic or being
told you must do something, you know, the world is ending, the world is ending. I am not saying that, but what I am saying is that year after year we keep getting trapped. I keep getting trapped. Do you keep getting trapped by the same old bullshit that I keep telling myself? I don't have enough time. I need to think about the money side of things. Well, they're the main two. I don't know about you.
What could I possibly do? What could it look like? What will people think of me? Will I be smart enough, intelligent enough, do the right thing? Will it even ever make any kind of difference? But you know, there is an urgency for freedom. When I say freedom, I mean freedom to be who we are meant to be, do what we're meant to do, and start really pursuing that.
calling. And I know as well with many, many women that it isn't about the self-help, personal development, make your life amazing, turn your life around, lose 10 pounds in 24 hours. I don't know how you do that unless you chop off your arm. It's really, we are more motivated when we are doing things in service of others. Now, I know that that's not always our best trait because we can end up putting ourselves last, but I'm not saying that.
I think it's very important that we take care of our health so that we can serve others. But when we have others in mind, and I encourage you to think about this for a moment, when we have others in mind, aren't we much more powerfully pulled and motivated towards something bigger? I want, now I want a world that has more freedom. has more peace, much less conflict, more harmony among people. When I see some of the things happening, I just think to myself, why can't people just like each other and get on with each other?
And it sounds so simplistic. And I know many people have all their arguments as to why people can't. But I wish for that. And I am wanting to help in my own perhaps very small way.
to do that. Now, a couple of things happened yesterday that I want to talk to you about that made me even more motivated on this. The first one is my husband and I, we don't go out enough. And so I said to him last week, we don't go out enough. And I said, okay, you know, we need to we need to go to some concerts, we need to do some we need to have some fun, we need to do more things.
Okay, so you know, he went off, and he enrolled us enrolled us probably the wrong word, registered us for an outdoor concert last night near where we live for a Beatles, you know, like a band that pretends they're the Beatles. So the Beatles is not really my era, but you know, I appreciate the Beatles, of course, who wouldn't? He loves the Beatles. I thought, okay, I'm going to go. Anyway, we went to this concert.
Wonderful, free, in the park, summer concert. Anyway, it was a bit miserable for me because I don't love the Beatles and it was a bit loud, but you know, he was happy and, or sometimes, you know, happy wife, happy husband, or happy husband. deal with it. Why? I don't know. It's one of those things. But anyway, in the middle of this performance, on comes this person, this guy, who's the sponsor for the event.
And he has developed a senior center close by to us, which is about to open. So he's doing his big pitch for this new senior center that he's opening. And, you know, Really, he's there because he wants some free advertising in my view. Anyway, he's just been doing this whole corporate, really annoying crap about the senior centre set. And I bet your biggest question is, when is it open? And people are like, yeah, when's it open?
And I'm thinking, my biggest question is how many trees did you fucking chop down to create that monstrosity? And as I whispered that to my husband, he just kind of semi-rolls his eyes and says, yeah, that would be a question you would ask. And I thought to myself, am I the only person in this whole entire audience that's thinking about climate change and how many trees were chopped down? Surely not. I mean, surely not.
I looked around and couldn't really find my people and make eye contact, but I'm sure they were there somewhere. I'm that person, and maybe you are as well, I'm that person that's always thinking about stuff like this. If that was a concert about equality, justice, social change, making a difference in the world, climate activation, poverty alleviation, I would have been happy as a clam, even if it was the Beatles. So I'm just trying to find…
all of you that feel the same as me. I know that you're out there and I know that you think the same as me. Now, the other thing that happened yesterday was my husband's sister went into the emergency room. She lives in Canada. She's not been feeling well for some time. And you know, we were all kind of like, well, it's good that she's gone in because she's got this cough and she needs to get that checked out.
And when she's better, we'll go and see her. unfortunately though my husband came in after talking to her last night she's only got a freaking terminal lung cancer diagnosis stage four gone into her bones now she's 80 years old so what do you say well she's 80 years old like she's 80 years old she should go to 105 it just really brings it all home to you doesn't it about yeah we've got this wonderful life, it doesn't last forever.
And I'm wondering like, okay, of course, there's the whole helping my husband and making sure she's okay and doing what she can and we can for her and all of that is there, don't worry. But there's a bigger question in me where I'm sitting there thinking, if I was only going to last to 80, which gives me another 25 years, what the heck?
am I doing? Am I doing the things that really, really make the difference? And if you are a person that, you know, you're the person who works in the coffee shop and you're the one going, what are we doing about food waste? And are people really going to throw that all away? And people, do people really pay that much for a coffee? Are you that person? Are you the person who works in this big corporation?
And all they talk about is profit and the next quarter earnings, and you're sitting there thinking, is this really the most important thing that we should be talking about? And what about the people? And when you say something like that, or even think something like that, or have that expression on your face, people look at you like you've absolutely lost it. So whether you're the parent, the founder, the carer, the teacher, the activist, the retiree, now let me talk about retirees for a moment, because What is that whole thing about, well, you retire and you get to a certain age and you play bridge and you have your bus pass and well, okay, I don't mind playing bridge.
Not that I've ever played bridge, but it sounds okay. And a bus pass. Yeah, all right, I'm up for that. But all that wisdom and amazingness of being older.
does not mean that we have to stop. Now don't get me wrong, anyone that's freaking out thinking, oh, she's telling us that we have to work 24 seven and we have to change the world and it's at the expense with us. No, no, I am not talking about that. In fact, I believe very strongly that looking after ourselves and being healthy, eating well, sleeping well, exercising, keeping our stress down, Not that it sounds like my stress is down particularly right now, but you know what I'm talking about, the whole meditation, mindfulness, don't get too pissed off with people around you, don't panic, all that kind of thing.
Absolutely key, foundational. So I'm not talking about not looking after yourself and sacrificing yourself for the sake of something bigger. What I am saying is that it's a urgency of let's really look at what we're doing. Let's really look at what's going on in the world and how we can make a difference. Now my industry, self-development, personal development, I look at it all and even that's driving me a little nuts right now because it's so self-focused.
Now, you know, I get it. I get it, manage your anxiety. deal with how other people, let other people do their thing and think about the many steps you can do to manage your time, all of that. But does it really, really make any kind of positive difference in the world? So I think that we need to start looking at all of this very, very differently and starting to understand what is it that
we want to contribute to the world. What are our passions? What are the things that we talk about, think about that are almost obsessive for us that make us get up early in the morning and also make us feel even angry or helpless sometimes. But we know that a life well lived, now there's a very self-help-y phrase for you, A life well lived is one that is in service and contribution of something bigger than ourselves.
It gives us this pull towards something. This is not self-indulgence. This is not simply feeling better, looking better, resting more, living a nicer life. building a bigger house, having a nicer car, having social media followers or what all of that is about. This is about waking up on a Monday morning and feeling pulled towards something meaningful and then redirecting our precious life, energy, life force, skills, strengths and talents towards that. This is not about just having more senior people in powerful rooms.
Although I do believe that having more women in powerful rooms will make a hell of a difference. It's about having more conscious people in every room, every room, the cafe, the bar, the shop, the office, the executive suite.
the school yard, the dining room table, the kitchen. The question is not, what will I do one day in the distant future when everything's sorted out, when I'm slimmer, life is easier, I'm less tired, I have more money, I've got that promotion, I paid off my mortgage, or whatever it else. is that we tell ourselves. The question is, what does the world need from you, from me, now? Now. Not at some distant point in the future, but now.
And I'm going to tell you that this kind of motivation, we're going to call it motivation, this kind of motivation that comes from an urgency of good. an urgency of wanting to see the world better. And I'm going to say the world, as grandiose as that may sound, I believe that we all can, are and will change the world in some way. And if you can imagine that every person en masse did something better, did something good. every day, something kinder, something more equitable, something more diverse, something where they appreciated people who were different to them en masse, whatever it is, 8 billion people, somehow that happened. that we were able to do that and also to start to bring other people with us in these ideas, these ideas that are considered soft, these ideas that are considered emotional, these ideas that are considered not realistic.
All of this I hear all the time. All right. It's incredibly realistic and practical.
to want to live in a world that is more equitable, kinder, more harmonious. Well, can you even imagine what conscious beings we might be able to be and create? So, you know, I think this is something that I want you to really start today, not delaying because we delay, don't we? We delay, we wait for the perfect time. for the perfect permission, for what society, our family, our organisation and what we were meant to do.
And I think there are so many of us who are… I do it too, we all do it, we're just unconsciously in this mode of, all right, get up, this is what I'm going to work, do my work, come home, have my dinner, deal with this, deal with that, go to bed. wake up in the morning and repeat, I want us all to have an incredible life well lived. And to do that, it is not about the big house or I'm knocking a big house as such, but you know what I'm saying?
Like that should not be the priority. The priority should be the difference that we are making to others, but not at the sacrifice of ourselves. It's cyclical. It comes back. It's an energy flow. I want you to be pulled to something more meaningful. This is what I really want today. So this episode invites you to feel, feel a different kind of urgency, not panic, not pressure, not fear, but the purposeful recognition that freedom
is not a distant reward. Freedom is what allows us to contribute and the world needs, urgently needs that kind of contribution now. And if you ever think you're listening to this, you think, oh, I'm too small to make a difference. I just do this or I just do that. Nobody is too small to make a difference. In fact, I strongly believe it is. us everyday people that will make the difference. And when you look back through the history of amazing leaders throughout time, the women's movement particularly, it was everyday women that got women the vote.
It's everyday women that have changed laws. It's everyday women that have said no. This business should not run this way. That shouldn't have happened. Let's change that. Let's look at that differently. And it requires though, a very strong sense of self. This is who I am and I am confident in who I am, even though other people might question it or challenge it or not get me. I'm not going to enter into that. that fight in that way because it's a bit of a waste of my energy, but I am going to say here, here's the purpose, here's where I'm heading.
This is the road to freedom. Now, ultimately, I'm sure practically it's going to involve some changes.
this year has been my, what I call my year of freedom. So for the first time in 25 years from the company I founded, Aspire, when I was 29, 25 years ago, actually 26 years ago now, I have been running events, conferences, workshops, coaching individuals, doing a lot of work in corporations, and that's been very fulfilling. really have felt like I have made a difference. And you could very much say, Sam, you're done.
You did good. You wrote a couple of books and you did this and you did that. A lot of people have lots of positive things to say about the work that I've done. However, this year I really felt a calling towards having a different type of year. And so at the start of this year, I decided to not have run any scheduled in-person events. So that meant that I wasn't traveling and I had a lot of new space in my schedule and diary at the start of the year.
And I thought, well, this is the answer, Sam. You know, you've said, you tell your clients and create some space.
have some open space in your diary, you've got time to think, you've got time to exercise, you've got time to get healthy and blah, blah, blah. So I did that. Oh, I'm very proud of myself. Look at me, I've said no and all this stuff that we talk about. However, what was really interesting though is in that first three months of the year, I sort of went into panic, like, whoa, what's happening?
I don't have anything in my diary hardly. And I realised that my sense of identity and value was so tied up in that work, in those events, that when they weren't there anymore, I didn't know who I was or… what to do. And so I really struggled in that first three months. I really struggled to find a way to start to get healthy because I had so many excuses before as to why I couldn't exercise or couldn't eat very well because I was traveling and I was doing this and I was doing that.
And it was a lot of emotional comfort eating going on. So in that first three months, it was, it was hard. It was really hard. And what did I do? Well, I did what any sane person would do. I filled it up with other things. So I increased my one-to-one coaching. I did lots of virtual webinars and filled it all up again. So the diary was full again. Okay. All right, Sam.
Well, let's take a moment and look at that in the next three months. So in the next three months, I realized I was actually busier. I mean, I wasn't traveling.
which was good because I could spend more time with the family, but I still had an incredibly busy schedule. And what I realized was really important is that freedom was not about my schedule or my diary. Freedom was not even about making time. Freedom was about looking really hard at myself inside, inside, in going, having a big exploration. in this brain and body of mine. And what I found in there was that it needed a really, really good spring cleaning, a really good spring cleaning and eating healthy and losing weight and prioritizing exercise, even finding some exercise that I actually liked and doing those things consistently. required a very, very different way of thinking.
And you know what really was the key for me was I realised, and I maybe kind of, well, maybe someone had said it to me before, and you know when someone says something to you and you think, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense, but you never really do anything. This time I finally got it because I came up with it. And you know, when you come up with something, woo!
Oh, what an insight people might be telling you for years and years, but you've come up with it. So, you know, you're the genius. Anyway, I came up with this and I thought to myself, Sam, if you want to make a really big difference in the world, which I know you do. So I have these little conversations with myself, then you need to be healthy. You do because you need to have a really good clear brain and you need to be able to feel good about yourself and have the energy going forward into your next, however many years, the physical, mental, spiritual energy to do these things that you want to do.
And when I got that, and I sort of had this vision of working with women who want to contribute to make a difference in the world and seeing myself on a stage working with women and at an event and women out there who were only focused on contribution to making a difference in the world. And of course, don't get mad, still working on themselves and still working on their confidence and still working on their health, but that was their main focus.
And I could see this almost like a pulsing a ripple effect going around the world. And I had, oh, this is a bit grandiose. Do you really think you could be on a stage? All this stuff, my inner critic, remember Samantha? If you've listened to another episode about inner critic, mine's called Samantha and she's very irritating. Samantha's, oh, you know, do you really need to be on a stage? It's a bit arrogant.
Stop. No, I want to be there and make this difference. And to do that, I need to be healthy.
When I made that connection, when I do something for myself, it's going to help me have a sense of purpose, have meaning in the world and help as many people as I can. When I made that connection, everything fell into place like puzzle pieces coming together. And so I have managed to lose 20 pounds, but there's not, I don't want to say that in a kind of, I've lost 20 pounds. Look at me.
I'm doing it in a way where I'm saying Well, I am really pleased with myself. But what's really interesting is I've lost 20 pounds before maybe you have I feel I mostly lose 10 pounds. I'm an up and down like a 10 pound yo-yo, but this summer I've lost 20 and What I know now, which is really interesting and I've never known it before is it's gonna stay off because I've learned how to be consistent And I've learned how to have that urgency of looking after myself so that I can serve others.
And before, when I would lose weight, I'd almost enjoy putting it back on again, like, woohoo, let's enjoy ourselves now, because we've suffered so long losing the 10 pounds. Let's just enjoy ourselves, putting it all back on again. But I'm not there anymore. And that's a very, very interesting shift for me, because I tell you, I do love food and I love eating out when I can and the rest of it.
And I love cooking. What am I saying here is that when we make those connections to looking after ourselves helps us look after others When it gives us that consistency it will give you that consistency it will give you that urgency of this is the difference I want to make and
This is what I need to be doing. And this is what the world wants and needs right now in all of the chaos and craziness that is out there. There are so many amazing women, particularly women, amazing women doing great work. So here's the call to action for this week. I invite you to take a few minutes this week and answer three questions. Now, when I say do this, I want you to write down these questions. or type them down or whatever you want to do, but have them with you on a regular basis.
So I'm not asking you to sort of sit down and do this for 10 minutes and then you're done. I want you to be reflecting on these questions. throughout your day. So you have to remember that you're doing this. So in your quiet moments, if you have some, maybe you're going on a walk or you're in the shower, or if you've got little kids, I remember when I had little kids, the only quiet time was when I was in the toilet.
So if you're in the toilet, in the bathroom, the restroom, whatever, you know, that might be your time or whatever it is. But here's the three questions. What contribution keeps calling me? What contribution keeps calling me? So what problem, possibility or improvement in the world do you care about? Do you keep noticing? Maybe you feel like you're the only one and you feel like you're the lone voice. You're not. You might be the lone voice where you are right now, but you are certainly not the lone voice, I promise you.
So what is it? What's that contribution? That's question one. And question two,
Now you've got to be really honest with yourself on this and you might not get there in a week, but what limitation is holding you back? What limitation is holding me back? So, you know, there's probably a few and there probably was a few and there probably is a few and there will be a few. So let's focus on what the next one is. And you're probably going to say something to me like, I just don't have enough time, Sam.
Well, I want you to really go underneath that and dig, dig deep. like I did at the start of this year, because that was my very common plausible excuse for using it. I didn't have enough time. It was true. I didn't have enough time. But what's really underneath it for me was a fear of not wanting to change what I was doing. There was a financial fear. There was a validation fear.
There was a value fear. There was a lot of fear under time. So when I ask you what limitation is holding you back and you tell me I don't have enough time or you tell me I don't have enough confidence, I want you to dig underneath it. I don't have enough confidence. What is that? Fear of judgment, fear of not being enough, fear of what other people are going to say and all of that.
That's what holds many, many of us back and being free from that. Can you imagine being free from that? So, okay, I don't have enough confidence and I'm still moving forward.
I don't have enough time. I'm still going to do this. You know, that's a very, very different voice. And then thirdly, what is one action that you can take over the next week until we talk again? And this could be a really, really small baby step if you like, but this area that you are really passionate about, could you connect with someone in that field? Could you look up more information or research it on the internet.
Could you write something about it? Could you message someone? Could you talk about it with someone else? Could you do a one page or a mind? You know what those might, I've never actually been able to do mind maps. People talk about mind maps all the time. Could you do a mind map of what that means? Something, anything, because when you start doing something, it gets you on the road. on the road to freedom.
I want you on the road. Well, it's really nice on the road because there's other people there on the road and you can see the sunrise at the end of the road. And you're like, okay, I'm doing something, even though I'm getting up at five in the morning, but you know what, in seven minutes, I have my first meeting of the day. So I'm going to go and do that. And I'm looking forward to it now because I have done this with you and I've talked about urgency, the urgency of freedom.
Thank you for listening. Keep doing what you're doing. Keep thinking about these things because even if you feel like you're not doing anything, but at least you're listening to the podcast. At least you're starting to think about it. At least you're putting these ideas, you're planting these seeds in your brain and you're starting to notice yourself. Even that gets you on the road to freedom. It helps you to feel and choose freedom.
Thank you very much for listening to the Dr. Sam Collins podcast and for helping me rant my way through this, but also I hope to give you some value and some things to think about. Until next week.
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